mental health – Beyond The Blonde

2016 was a really hard year, I think we can all agree on that. I know from me personally it was probably the hardest year I have had to deal with. But this is a new year so I don’t want to focus on the bad –I want to focus on the good that is to come.

If 2016 taught one thing, it’s that your perception of any situation is everything. The way you perceive a situation will dictate the way that you handle it. So I knew it was important to go into 2017 with the positivity that I would carry with me for the rest of the year. Start as you mean to go on – isn’t that what they say?

On Monday January 2 I did something I don’t normally do. I organised myself for the next morning; clothes selected, make up at the ready, handbag packed – I even picked out matching socks! For 2017, I wanted to make more of an effort with my appearance. I spent most of 2016 with my hair in a messy bun, makeup-less, and wearing clothes that didn’t even match at times. In 2016 sometimes I just didn’t care. But this is a New Year so I’m going to care more. I’m happy to say that this is one resolution I have kept up so far. And considering we’re only a week in, that’s longer than most of my resolutions have lasted previously.

The next day saw one of the more dramatic changes – a good 12 inches was cut off my hair by my stylist at Colours. New Year, new me. I cant really describe what a big change this was, so I’ll leave you with the before and after photos instead.

The final change to bring into the New Year with me was to make my lifestyle healthier. I one to see a change in my body. People think that I exude confidence. But those of you who know me will know that I suffer with depression and self-confidence problems. At times in 2016, this depression crippled me and at one point I allowed it to takeover my life. It affected my confidence; it affected my ability to work; it affected my relationships. The talk therapy and the meds definitely help, but I felt I needed an overall lifestyle change.

So I have started a new health and fitness regime. I signed up for a year with Dan Sweeney Health and Fitness. As well as tailoring a workout plan to help me tone up, I have also gotten a lot of guidance around nutrition and my food choices. From what I’ve read from others who struggle with their mental health, diet can have an effect on recovery too. Just like it does with the physical health. So today is the day that I do my first big food shop for the new diet. I can’t wait to see the results – physical and mental.

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This post is about as real as blog posts come, so look away now if you don’t want to be set on a bit of a downer today…

Have you ever sat quietly, almost frozen in a moment, maybe on the side of your bed, or during a trip to a park, and realized you lost something important? Something important enough that you definitely need it, but subtle enough that you didn’t realise it was missing until you got some time to yourself to look for it? I lost something like that. It was me. I lost me. Somewhere along the journey of life that I’m traveling through, I put myself to the side – just for a minute I swear – but I left me behind. I forgot myself somewhere along the way.
I didn’t notice it at first, or maybe I did but I just told myself otherwise. But I’ve now come to realise I lost me a long time ago, and if I want to keep moving forward I need to find myself and my contented mindset again. But what was I like before I lost ‘me’?

How do I know when I’ve found me if I can’t remember what it was like to be me in the first place?

It’s probably a bit like driving to a place you think you’ve been before – but in reality you’ve never been there, and now you’re driving aimlessly wondering where this destination is.
People call this feeling a lot of things: loss, mourning, depression, numbness etc. But does the label really influence what the feeling is? Yes, and no. As my good friend Rob says, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”. So in that regard, a label is great. You know what you’re up against and that can help you come up with a game plan. But the label can be a hindrance too. It might make you judge a situation differently and excuse other people’s actions because of their labels, ultimately doing yourself a disservice.

How do you find yourself? Now isn’t that the million dollar question! If anyone had a true and worthwhile answer to this, we probably wouldn’t have a whole market based completely on self-help books and gurus like Dr Phil and Oprah. Don’t I wish I had the answer! I don’t, but I know what can help me at times – taking some time out to reassess. I’m a very social creature and I would spend all my time around other people if I could, but when I start to feel lost I like to take some time out to deal with the feeling. If I don’t do that, anxiety will always get the better of me. And anxiety will always make a situation like this feel 100 times worse.

I’m trying to find me, but I honestly feel like I’m failing miserably at this. For a while, things pick up and I’m busy with some project or other and I honestly feel like I’m getting somewhere; I’m driving the car in the right direction and I’m finding me. But then something in my environment will change and it’ll have an almost crushing affect – the car stops and I’ll fall apart. I’ve lost my way again. It’s tiring and it tries my patience to the very end.
I wanted to write this to let others out there know that you are not alone in this journey. There are a lot of people feeling this lost. It can also make it hard to connect with others, and it sometimes tricks me into being paranoid of what others think of me. So if you’re going through this feeling, watch out for that – you can very easily end up isolating yourself. I’m doing my best to move forward with this journey, and I’ll happily let you guys know how it goes but I know it’s gonna take a lot of time… The plan is to stay busy, I hope that works out for me, and for you too.
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Tag: mental health

2017 MUST Be Better

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